This poem actually came to me in a dream (cliché I know), but the only part that I remembered when I woke, was the first 2 lines. I set out to write the rest of it, and decided that it should be an ode to myself, or to anyone that feels as though they’ve deceived themselves before.
I chose to use the metaphor of water, because of the subconscious value it holds (search “water/ocean in dreams“), as well my immense fascination but irrational fear of the deep ocean. This is Ode to Ocean:
When I was a little girl
I dreamt of an aeroplane;
as a boat.
Titanium panels, creaking wings
I would dream I was sinking
when I knew I could
Heaving, bleeding instead of
I am the captain of lying, hurting
Could it be (after all this time)
I’m the one off stream?
The nightmares were just my own
In my meddling, trifling affairs with my insecurities
it is me who refused to see the wood for the
At the end of the dream, I’d tell myself I could do it
but would find
I’m the worst at it.
Though the birds would swim, and the fish would fly
It is me, who would dream I shouldn’t