Public transport is a real
joy ride. I mean public transport is a wonderful way to experience the city.
Okay, let’s just face the facts that public transport comes with it’s own set of
weirdos unique characters.
Below are a few of my stange bus encounters. Beware! Some may be cringey and NSFK (Not Safe For Kids)
Who needs privacy!?
So there I was, minding my own bus-iness (get it) and listening to my favourite song at the time Miss Benny – Rendezvous. Ironically, it happens to be a song about a guy getting all hot and bothered with his lover. It’s seriously not that bad, I promise. Anyway, lounging across the three seats, looking longingly out the window I catch a glimpse of a phone screen from the woman in the seat before mine. But unlike many people on the bus, she held her phone at such an angle as if she invited me to read along with her. And what we both read on her screen made my eyes go wide with curiosity and shock.
‘He took me in his strong arms’…
‘His hot breath on my breasts’…
She sped through the pages that involved moderately normal conversation. Making sure to take her time on the four-paged sex scenes. I’ve never read erotic material before, but I’m sure this was porn at it’s literary…best?
‘His bulging member’…
Bleh! As I am writing this, all I can really recall is me laughing like a prepubescent schoolgirl at the PG16 coitus. But what made the experience all that more fun, was the blonde lady’s IDGAF attitude. Even though I, and pretty much whoever sat beside me, could read her happy pill of a book – she held her phone up high and proud. Yes girl! Read that smut! At least there were no visuals…
Funny enough, on this same trip, I saw a shirtless man in the street ripping logs with his bare hands. Almost like Captain America in Avengers: Age of Ultron. It was quite…interesting 😋
Free CD and side-eye…
This was one of my very first weird bus encounters – I went and made an entire YouTube video of it. Check the link below. But be warned! It contains all the cringe of my younger self and the unshakeable courage of self-promotion.
I’d like to thank you for watching (in advance). And while we’re on the topic of food. A lady bought a chocolate bar from the guy in the video. She was so angry because it was hecka expired! She got up and threw the chocolate out the window at the guy! Seriously sis, what did you expect!? 😅
Can I sit with you?
Now, I’m no stranger to making small talk with a fellow passenger. I don’t mind it. But I can at least take a hint when someone doesn’t smaak (want) to talk to me. But apparently some people can’t read basic social cues. Allah bless them…
Picture this – I’m walking to the bus terminus and this guy looks visibly lost. He asks me where the ‘Bellville bus’ is. I point to a sign a few meters away and walk him to the benches and take a seat. The Bellville bus happens to be the one I’m taking home. So we sit and after a long day of crazy lecturers and having to deal with my idiotic college, I prefer to just sit and wait in silence.
But this guy decides to strike up conversation. I join the chat, why not. He asks me if I’m fasting. I say yes (It was Ramadaan) and I ask if he is too. He replies yes. He asks me where I live, I lie and say some other place (I don’t trust easy) and then just as quickly as it started – GirlOntheBus has left the chat.
As we sit, I pick up that this guy isn’t quite done chatting. He tries to get my attention by looking in my direction and repeating the name Fatima for some reason. Sorry pal, but unless you have some loose change lying around, this convo is gonna have to permanently end in 3…2…the bus pulls up.
He gets in before me.
After buying my ticket, I make my way down the aisle to the back of the bus. Before I can reach my beloved three-seats a large form blocks my path. Now if there is one I can’t stand, besides going to college, is people standing in my way – literally and figuratively!
‘Have a seat’
He stands before me, unmoving and with a sly smile – a smile that thought he could charm me with bland convo? A smile that thought I would just get weak at the knees? Sorry hunny but I sit alone on the bus. The only exception I make is for my sister and sometimes my bestie, but other than that – I ride alone!
I tell him “no, it’s fine. Please, you sit there. I want to sit at the back”. His smile faulters and turns almost sour. Like a naughty child he takes his seat and I make my way down the aisle. Knowing that he is watching and that he’ll try to talk some more, I abandon my three-seat lounging for two seats opposite from him. He can see me easily now; but once people start sitting in front of me, my short body will be nearly impossible to spot.
I take my seat and look straight into his now creepy yellow eyes. He smiles again, clawing at the chance to keep my attention. I’m done. Finished with these games.
“I want to sit by you”
He gestures to the vacant seat beside me. I hoist my bag up and plonk it dowm next to me, this small barrier will make some good distance. I tell him “no, that’s okay. I want to sit alone.” Suddenly the inside of my bag becomes sooo interesting and soon the bus fills up.
Was he trying to stare at me the entire ride home? I don’t know and I don’t care. I was hidden, as I predicted earlier and when I got off he was asleep.
I feel like I should’ve been more assertive. I don’t know why I wasn’t. I kept trying to spare his feelings when clearly he didn’t respect mine. But I do thank Allah for keeping me safe, that nothing bad, regardless of these scenarios, has ever happened to mw. That these creepos never shapeshifted into murderers or rapists. Because these are the challenges we face in the open. And I pray that any and all people who take public transport always stay safe and arrive alive.